


Don't Forget to Forgive Yourself

by kadabralin



Series: Remember Me [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, Minor: Riku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 09:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13338468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kadabralin/pseuds/kadabralin
Summary: Post KH:DDD Axel/Lea oneshot. Lea and Kairi struggle to get along.To be incorporated intoRemember Meat a later date.





	Don't Forget to Forgive Yourself

Awkward. Things were awkward. That was a nice way of putting it.

Lea hadn’t believed that becoming a Keyblade Master would be easy, but he didn’t think it would be this complicated. He had almost completely forgotten about Kairi, about what he’d done to her, and seeing her now made his stomach drop, chest clench tight, a burning sense of shame prickling his skin.

And now he was expected to train with her.

Fuck.

Their first few training sessions were arduous and uncomfortable. Having Riku there eased some of the tension, but they were expected to train on their own, too. And any time he’d get too close to her, close enough he could practically see her recoil away, all Lea could do was shuffle back awkwardly and apologize. 

Over and over again.

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright.” Kairi wasn’t really looking at him. More like around him. If that was even possible.

“No, I mean… _really_ sorry. For what I did, when I was Axel. It was wrong. I’m sorry.” Lea felt like he was blabbering, but Kairi was actually looking at him fully this time.

“It’s alright. Really. You helped Sora find me.” It wasn’t alright, though. Not at all, as far as he could tell. She was afraid of him, and honestly, he couldn’t blame her. Desperation never made anyone behave like a model citizen. Especially when you didn’t have a heart.

But it seemed to help, if at least a little, to apologize. So he kept doing it. Lea honestly couldn’t help it, either. Apologizing didn’t seem like enough, but he didn’t know what else to do to make things right. If he could make things right, so he figured he would apologize any damn chance he got, and maybe the guilt would finally stop gnawing at him from the inside.

Sometimes, he’d say he was sorry before they parted ways for the night, or he would slip an apology in during casual conversation, and maybe again at breakfast. It might have been a little excessive. Okay, more than a little. 

“Hey, I’m sorry again for—”

“Lea, it’s _okay_ , seriously. You can stop. I get it.” Kairi cut him off, looking agitated as she aggressively stabbed her omelette with her fork. Riku glanced at them from across the table, unsure. 

Kairi was the only one who called him Lea.

“Oh. So—” Lea paused, and took a moment to shove half his breakfast into his mouth, to smother the words. Wow. This was becoming a really bad habit. “...So, I’ll see you at practice later.”

Nice save.

Kairi sighed, picking up her plate as he stood up from the table. “Yeah. Of course.” She grabbed a few more dishes as she walked by. “Your face is covered in jam, by the way.”

She disappeared into the next room and Lea scrubbed at his mouth with a napkin. Would apologizing for apologizing too much be… too much? Things were easier when he didn’t have a heart.

“If you’re trying to get her to forgive you, you’re going the wrong way about it.”

Lea had wondered when Riku was going to chime in.

“I’ve got that figured out, thanks.” But he wasn’t looking for forgiveness. Not exactly. He just… 

He felt bad.

“I did some terrible things when I was influenced by the Darkness. I felt guilty, after. I still do sometimes.” Riku leaned against the table. “It gets easier, but it takes time. Kairi’s got the biggest heart out of all of us.” Except for Sora, but he was an obvious outlier. And also not here. “Just… try not to push her so hard. And try to forgive yourself, too.”

It was hard to imagine that Riku was significantly younger than him, with the way he threw around his advice. Maybe they should start calling him _Riku the Wise_.

Hah.  
——-

It was already after dark, but Lea and Kairi were still sparring, keyblades clashing under the moonlight. He was making progress, finally. It had been a struggle for a while, but he figured out how to swing without flinging his keyblade halfway across the field. But Kairi always managed to kick his ass.

“Okay, okay. I give up, you win. _Augh_.” He was exhausted and his hair had been tied up so long it was starting to give him a headache. Lea dropped his keyblade and collapsed into the cool grass, arm draped over his face. “How are you so _good_ at this?”

When Kairi didn’t answer, he almost thought she’d straight up left; that wouldn’t have been the first time. But after a moment or two he heard the shuffling of feet and Kairi sat down next to him. They sat in complete silence, Lea slowly catching is breath, and finally Lea felt brave enough to take a peak over at her. She looked so small with her knees tucked against her chest, staring up at the moon. 

“I can’t believe I can’t best all you pipsqueaks.”

Kairi peered down at him with a genuine, toothy smile. Lea stared at her face, suddenly unable to look away. He felt like… She looked familiar, like someone else, someone important…

“Pipsqueak? I’m average height, thank you very much.” She looked away again and closed her eyes. “Maybe you should try shrinking.”

“Hey, I’m very sensitive about my height, you know. That hurts.”

“You started it.”

He felt like he was arguing with the younger bratty sister he never had. Wait, maybe he did have a sister. Did he? He had parents, once. He couldn’t even remember…

They were both quiet again, but the air felt a little easier than before.

“Why do you want to use the Keyblade?”

Lea was a bit startled. No one had ever asked him that, or at least never asked so directly. It had been an obvious shock to everyone when he’d made it clear what he wanted to do, but… Maybe Kairi was warming up to him after all.

Lea dropped his arm to his side and took a long breath.

“I’m looking for someone. Well, actually, I want to save someone. My best friend.” The full moon always reminded him of Isa. “Keyblades seem pretty handy for rescuing people.”

“Oh.”

Kairi sounded surprised, and he didn’t know whether or not to be insulted. Jeez, did she think he wanted to learn the Keyblade for something _bad_?

“Oh?”

“Me, too. I want to protect people, too. My friends.” Kairi slowly unwound, leaning back and propping herself up by her elbows. “I’m tired of feeling useless, so I’m going to keep everyone safe this time.” She slowly grinned. “Sora’s so lazy, too, I was mad when he and Riku got a letter from the King but not me.” She had a look on her face, underneath the smile, that Lea would recognize anywhere. Loneliness. The fear of being left behind. Of being useless.

“I’ve already saved Sora with a keyblade before.”

“I think we _all_ have had to save Sora at some point.”

How was that kid still alive?

“Hey, Lea.”

Lea yanked the tie out of his hair and slipped it over his wrist. “Yeah?”

“I don’t think I could bring myself to hate you.”

“Oh, wow, gee, I’m flattered.” His tone was sarcastic, but honestly. He was flattered. It made him happy to know that Kairi, at the very least, didn’t hate him. And she didn’t seem afraid anymore. He could settle for that.

“I’m serious. I mean even like you were before. You have the capacity to be good.”

Lea looked up at the moon thoughtfully. This was the most Kairi had ever said to him. Probably. Maybe he could really try cutting himself some slack.

“You know what.”

“...What?”

Lea stood up abruptly and stretched, joints cracking. “I want some ice cream.”

“ _Now_!? We haven’t had dinner yet!”

“So what? Ice cream is an acceptable dinner.” He slowly stepped toward the tower, hands behind his head.

“Okay, but if you get a stomachache, I don’t want to hear any complaining.” Kairi jumped up and had to jog to catch up with him. “Stop walking so fast!”

“Can’t. I have these long, lanky legs and only one speed setting…”

Lea looked back, and for a moment he thought… 

No, Kairi had red hair, not black.

But the couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe, a lifetime ago, they had met once before, on a clock tower, basking in the setting sun, sea salt ice cream dripping over the edge, laughter reeling in the night. Just maybe…

 _Nah_.


End file.
